I know I said I was done with the online dating but… but… but… for some reason I sent him an email anyway. Okay not for some reason, for these reasons: He has sweet eyes, speaks Spanish, mentioned he likes to dance, and is clearly well educated. He also lives in the same city as me, so we theoretically might actually be able to have some semblance of a normal relationship. Seems like a good start, right?
Then I have no explanation for why ever since we set a date for our first date, I have been coming up with reasons I need to cancel it.
Except, except there was this one thing… I gave him my phone number and he said he didn’t have a phone. He didn’t really explain why, but he said he would find another way to call me, so I didn’t pay too much attention to it. Except that he didn’t call. Ever. But he did send me emails.
And I kept having that funny feeling in the bottom of my stomach. Not the good funny feeling, not the one when your wine glass was a little too full and your stomach a little too empty and you’re grateful someone else is driving you home, not the one you get as you open a letter from the university you applied to and you don’t know yet whether you’ve been accepted and you’re holding your breath as you tear open the envelope. No, not like that. The funny feeling that is more like little hands wringing the dish towel of your small intestine, the little voice that is saying wisely: RUN but you just cant quite hear it above the gurgling of your digestion and desire to not be alone.
I proceeded anyway, until I couldn’t, until my entire body said: NO! I woke up- if you ignore the fact that I didn’t sleep- after a long night of sick kid duty, and I was so tired the room was literally spinning. I thought I was surely going to be sick myself, so I sent him an email letting him know that I needed to reschedule our date. Miraculously, I felt suddenly less dizzy, the little hands in my stomach began to un-wring themselves and the voice that had almost gone hoarse from yelling, quieted. And I knew I had made the right choice.
To send an email would’ve been inconsiderate except that I didn’t have any other option. I would’ve called except… he doesn’t have a phone. And that is when for the first time I thought Why doesn’t he have a phone? He can’t possibly be so counterculture that the internet is an acceptable form of communication but phones are not.
It doesn’t make sense! I found myself telling one of my best guy friends. He has kids. What if something happens to them? How does the school get in touch with him?
My friend looked at me silently for a long moment and then said blankly: He’s married, like it was the most obvious thing in the world and suddenly, it was.