Don’t go

I don’t readily accept help because I prefer to do it myself, which seems to be a source of frustration for the people in my life.

Left feeling uncertain of what to do when I am having a hard time, friends, lovers and family members tend to “give me space.”

Just because I don’t want your help, doesn’t mean I want you to go away. If you pull back, I will pull away. I will feel abandoned and betrayed, and when the time comes that I do need help, I will not feel I can ask it of you.

But I also don’t want you to swoop in and rescue me, and I certainly do not want you to take over my task. You don’t need to be in my face or hovering over my shoulder asking me what you can do to help, but I do need to know you are there, that you have not retreated to the far corners of the Earth.

I don’t need space. I need you.

I need you to treat me like a regular person, not a scary dragon lady who’s going to bite your head off for trying to speak to her or that I will erupt like a volcano of tears.

Despite commentary to the contrary, I do know how to ask for help, but I need to know that when the moment comes that I need help, I can call you and you’ll be there.  Giving me space does not show me that.

There may already be a great geographic space separating us, but that is not what I mean. I need to feel your presence in my life in the same magnitude in which it was felt before. Text me to tell me something random about your day that made you think of me. Invite me to go do something superfluous with you even though it seems like I probably don’t have time for it. Love me despite the crazy and be patient.

Nothing about transitional periods feels normal. They feel monumental, cataclysmic, terrifying, exhilarating, joyful, dangerous, intoxicatingly wonderful, and so easy to be consumed by. I need you to remind me that I am still me and that you see me amidst the swirling mayhem.

Leaving me alone only reinforces the idea that I am alone and that I must do this all alone.

I don’t need space. I need you.

As a society, we give people space when they’re going through a difficult time. We are taught that it’s respectful. I have done this many times, but now I‘m not so sure that was the right thing to do. I don’t know. What I do know is that for me, as someone who already feels she must take on the world alone, being alone and having people give me space only makes me… well, lonely.

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2 thoughts on “Don’t go

  1. I hope you get lots of comment for this un-bashful request for a little lovin! I miss you Stephanie! I feel like we’ve hardly seen each other over the years, but I always felt like you really saw me. I hope you keep asking for help… and keep receiving it. Just what you need when you need it. And thank you again for a beautiful post. Rach.

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